Possibly the biggest aping of The Legend of Zelda ever made into a game, Neutopia sees a release this week on the Virtual Console. The similarities are astounding— Hudson were clearly trying to ride the coattails of Link’s success, but perhaps they rode a bit too closely. From the overworld map design to celebratory item discovery; from fire-spitting octopuses to bombing for secret pathways, Neutopia is what happens when inspiration turns into imitation.
With all of that said though, The Legend of Zelda is a damn good game, which makes Neutopia enjoyable by default. I mean, if you’re going to rip off a game, you might as well rip off one of the best. The novelty wears off pretty quickly though, once you realize Neutopia really doesn’t bring anything new to the genre, except for a higher frustration due to unpredictable hit detection. Neutopia is fine if you’re a desperate 2D Zelda nut in need of another quest, but everyone else? You’re better off playing the original.
China Warrior is a side-scrolling beat ‘em up in the vein of a similar TurboGrafx game that stars a martial arts warrior that looks awfully similar to Bruce Lee. So, you’d think playing as Bruce Lee would equal incredible amounts of awesome, but nay, China Warrior is a stiff, boring, uninspired mess that flat out hurts to play. The slow, unresponsive controls hinder any strategic maneuvering, the enemies are as lame as possible (butterflies and stones? seriously?) and the gameplay consists of mashing out kicks and punches towards enemies until reaching a boss fight. It’s exactly like Vigilante and Kung-Fu before it, but instead controls much worse and has some of the most bland graphics ever seen on the TG-16. Mr. Lee would be ashamed — avoid this sacrilege at all costs.
The battle of the rock gods is set for this winter, but today, things just got a little more interesting. The first gameplay video of Rock Band in full, 4-player action surfaced via Gamespot. You can view a hi-res version of the footage through that link, or watch the lower quality Youtube video below. Either way, prepare to have your jaw dropped for 3 minutes and 8 seconds. Game of the year? Confirmed.
I’ve already written about how divisive a franchise Donkey Kong Country can be amongst the hardcore crowd, so there’s bound to be a demographic out there that’ll look past this release without batting an eye. To that I say, Diddy’s Kong Quest is the best game in the Country trilogy, and is definitely worth your attention.
The titular gorilla Donkey Kong takes a back seat to Diddy and Dixie in this sequel. Diddy controls the same as in the first DKC, so chances are you’ll find yourself trying out Dixie and realizing how much ass she can kick. Her slow-falling technique seems directly ripped from Princess Peach in another Nintendo sequel, Super Mario Bros. 2, but it’s just as useful as it was in that game. Rare has touched up most aspects of the game for maximum polish, from the boosted graphical detail, to the sublime soundtrack (all of the DKC games have incredible scores) and, most notably, the stronger level design. If you’re looking to be converted into a Donkey Kong Country fan, or even if you’re just itching to play a challenging platformer filled with secrets, Diddy’s Kong Quest is a very safe bet.
Console: Sega Genesis Publisher/Developer: Sega/Johnson Voorsanger Productions Price: 800 Points Players: 1-2 (simultaneous) Release Date: 4 June 2007
I can’t tell you how many hours were spent with my brothers playing this game and drinking juice. After loving the first one*, when we got this one and saw the difference, we were sucked right back into it. The major difference between this ToeJam & Earl and it’s predecessor is that this game went all side-scroller on us. Which I’m not complaining about at all. We’ve got the same funky music, the same two characters, the same silly humour. Everything was still great and made just a little better.
We learn early on that Earthlings hitched a ride with the duo and are now running wild on Funkotron. Your job is to catch all the little bastards in jars and ship em back to Earth at the end of every fun-filled level. This game is so filled with fun it’s crazy. There are so many things to do while just playing it out and trying to catch all the Earthlings. Side missions, mini-games, fungus-jumping. What’s not to love? Lamont the Funkapotamus needs to come home and you’ve gotta find stuff for him or he won’t come back and he’s kinda like, the source of all funk in the universe so you kinda need to find his stuff. Not to mention all the funk powers you’ve got to play with. This game is an absolute must buy.
Console: NES Publisher/Developer: Tecmo Price: 500 Points Players: 1 Release Date: 14 May 2007
If you’re an action-game purist, you’ll probably agree that it doesn’t get much better than Ninja Gaiden on the NES. And for a game so notoriously difficult to have such a wide and ardent fanbase is just a sign of how inexplicably awesome it really is. Ryu Hayabusa controlled like a charm back in the day, and fortunately, not much has changed— Ninja Gaiden still feels as fast and twitchy as a ninja game should, thanks to the simple, responsive controls. The first 4 or 5 stages of the game are pure action bliss, though it quickly devolves into a hair-pulling, controller-swinging experience in the final chapters, since the game decides to punish you if you suck. Masochists need apply!
Setting aside the cheap difficulty level for a moment, Ninja Gaiden is an 8-bit masterpiece. Its groundbreaking use of cinematics in-between levels pioneered the use of stylized storytelling, which tries its darnedest to be mature, despite the uneven dialogue. Throw in the rockin’ musical score, which features some of the best 8-bit tracks ever, and you have a supremely solid action game that far outclasses the arcade original. Tecmo struck gold with Ninja Gaiden— highly recommended.
Console: NES Publisher/Developer: Hudson Price: 500 Points Players: 1 Release Date: 11 June 2007
Lode Runner’s addition to the Virtual Console isn’t really making any sense to me at the moment. Not too long ago, Hudson added the Japanese-only Battle Lode Runner to the VC, in all its 5-player battle mode glory (highly recommended, natch). Not only that, but Battle Lode Runner also features a solid single player mode, so why do we now need the lesser-quality predecessor on top of it? For 100 points more, you could buy (or have already bought) the sequel that’s virtually better in every way. Which game sounds like the better deal to you? This NES version of the game is only for true, hardcore lode runners.
Arguably the best game to hit the Virtual Console thus far is Actraiser, Quintet’s genius amalgamation of the god simulation and side-scrolling platformer genres. Initially, a genre mash-up of that sort would probably raise some eyebrows in apprehension, but everything just clicks after the first chapter, and you realize you’re playing something truly unique here— something that is depressingly sparse in this generation of console gaming.
It’s hard to believe that Actraiser was released within the launch window of the SNES back in 1990. Beautiful graphics, a searing soundtrack from Yuzo Koshiro (it’s one of the best out there) and above all, fun, innovative gameplay— this game was so far ahead of its time. We certainly don’t get launch titles like we used to. Gamers owe it to themselves to play Actraiser, if only to try something completely one-of-a-kind.
Yet another shoot ‘em up makes its way onto the Virtual Console via TurboGrafx-16, but Ordyne is in a bit of a different class from what we’ve seen so far. Fans of the shooter genre will recognize the game as a cute ‘em up, a sub-genre that takes qualities from its forefathers, but maximizes the cuteness. Ordyne is basically a clone of the original cute ‘em up, Parodius, but it lacks the inherent charm from that franchise — Parodius is basically developers Konami poking fun at themselves and their various IPs, namely Gradius — and generally doesn’t play as smoothly. Ordyne’s pace is much more plodding, especially when power-ups don’t come from enemies, but rather from shops that the player must visit during the middle of a stage.
The difficulty takes time to ramp up, so it could be assumed that Ordyne is like a beginner’s course to the vast world of SHMUPs. The hold-your-hand pace, lack of plentiful power-ups and generally simple design keep things linear, which newcomers may appreciate, but with that said, Ordyne doesn’t come close to matching the quality of shooters available on the Virtual Console thus far, let alone those from the TG-16 (see: Soldier Blade, Super Star Soldier).
Console: NES Publisher/Developer: Nintendo Price: 500 Points Players: 1-2 (simultaneous) Release Date: 12 February 2007
Even fans of the Ice Climber’s modern-day revival in Super Smash Bros. Melee will be hard-pressed to admit that this game is fun for more than 5 minutes. The main offense here is the controls, specifically, every jump your character makes — back then, it was surely easier to forgive the game for this glaring fault, but by today’s standards the jump mechanic is completely unorthodox and is only there to provide a challenge. But hey, other games can offer both a rewarding challenge and spot-on controls, so what’s your excuse Ice Climber?
Bringing a friend along for co-op play does not redeem this game either, as you’ll spend countless attempts trying to calculate pixel perfect jumps to the top of the level while avoiding enemies and obstacles. Ice Climber certainly has some novelty in its nostalgic value, but this is one of Nintendo’s 8-bit games that, in execution, fails to bring the fun.
Yet another5-player multiplayer game has come to the Virtual Console, which means another 600 points well-spent if you’re a party gamer. Besides its Bomberman-like battle mode, Battle Lode Runner deserves some fine lovin’, considering it’s officially the first Japan-only Virtual Console game to reach our shores. That’s right— this game deserves your Wii points if only to show Nintendo that we want more imports here in North America!
That aside, Battle Lode Runner is arguably the best version of the long-running series. The graphics received a much-needed make-over, which gives the game more personality than ever. The already-mentioned battle mode will ensure good times for up to 5 people, but even if you plan on going solo, Battle Lode Runner has you covered with its standard single player mode. Developers/selectors of VC titles/whomever it may concern: Get a clue and keep the Japan-only content coming!
Rating: (Recommended)
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